Killing Two Birds with a OneCarat Stone
by daphnebeauty
Summary: That one-carat stone had managed to kill both her birds. Josh had left because she hadn't wanted the ring and Castle had left because he thought she did.


Killing Two Birds with a One-Carat Stone

_A/N: Not my first fic, but the first one I've published. I figured I'd better just grow some balls, bite the bullet, and rip the band-aid (which is really some seriously painful multitasking if you think about it). Hope you guys can get some sort of entertainment out of it. Reviews would be nice, but I won't beg. Well...I might beg just a little bit._

The song was breaking her heart.

Every note. Every rest. Every single goddamn chord was squeezing on her, forcing her to feel. She had never heard the song before, but it was like she knew it by heart anyway. She knew how the song would end. Sad. Hopeless. In a slow rush of minor chords and falls.

The Old Haunt was almost empty. She sat at one corner of the bar in the sepia lighting, swirling her glass of scotch around and around. Listening to the cheerless clink of the ice cubes against the solid glass, she signaled the bartender for a refill. Tonight she wanted to drink enough so that she could finally be numb. She didn't want to feel anything. She wanted the alcohol to whirl her away into a blurred world where feelings didn't exist and hearts didn't break.

This song was making it goddamn near impossible.

"Hey! Give it a rest, will ya?" She yelled out to the piano man.

There were only two other patrons in the bar and they were lost in their own thoughts and miserable lives. Neither broke the eye contact they had been holding steady with the absolute nothingness in front of them. Well, at least they had seemed to be able to reach that numbness she had been so desperately seeking.

Taken aback by the anger from the beautiful woman at the bar, the man playing the piano let his fingers collapse onto random notes, finally breaking that tragic melody in a slew of cacophonous tones.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to upset you." He raised his eyebrows at her as if appraising how much he had actually offended her with his song.

She shrugged and took a long swallow of the scotch in front of her.

"Doesn't matter."

Glad the piano had finally stopped torturing her soul, she let the silence wash over her like a cold, impersonal wind. Downing the last of the scotch in her glass she signaled for yet another. It would be her fourth.

The bartender hesitated slightly and she gave him a glare that absolutely dared him not to pour the glass. He obliged, but seemed uneasy with his decision. She'd met the kid before. His name was Brian and she had flirted shamelessly with him once during a case to get some information out of him. He turned from what she assumed was his guilty conscious and walked away. She saw him grab the phone and make a call, but she lost interest. Brian could do whatever he wanted as long as he never grew a spine and he kept her glass half full. Or was it half empty?

It was a half hour past the usual closing time, but although the sign on the door had been flipped, The Old Haunt had never been too strict about kicking out its customers for last call. At least not the regulars. Kate Beckett had taken full advantage of this and absolutely refused to move from her high stool at the bar. Tonight she wanted to drink. Alone.

She'd lost the two most important men in her life today. _All in a day's work, for Kate Beckett_, she thought. She took another long drink of her scotch to numb her mind and erase the events that had transpired in the past 24 hours.

…

"_Goddammit, Kate! What do you want from me?" Josh shook her in desperation, grasping her firmly by her upper arms. His long hair was in disarray and his eyes were red around the edges. Her own eyes were dry for now, but she could feel that familiar choking burn in the back of her throat, the harbinger of tears to come._

_She looked down and away from his distressed face and stared at the armrest of the couch. She didn't know. She had no idea what she wanted from him._

"_I don't know, Josh. I just don't know." She spoke softly and her words fell between them, not nearly enough to satisfy the question._

"_Is it him?"_

"_No." She didn't even need to ask who 'him' was. They'd been here before. Seen that tree. Passed that rock. _

"_You keep saying that. You keep telling me it's not him, that you are just friends, just partners, just colleagues. But I don't think you can fool me anymore. I don't even think you can fool yourself either. It _is_ him. It's always been him. That's why you can't be here with me. Because you are already with him."_

"_But I _am_ here with you. I am standing here in this room, with you. I have been for the past seven months. I've let you into my house and my bed and my life!"_

_He pulled his hands from her arms and shook his head sadly. _

"_Yeah, Kate. You've let me into everything but your heart, because it already belongs to him."_

_Here came the tears. She grabbed onto his shirt trying to pull him back to her. Trying to make him fight again. His previous almost painful grip on her arms had been preferable to this absolute lack of contact. She could feel him giving up. _

_The first few tears fell down her cheek and she yanked him to her, kissing him. Trying to keep him, although she wasn't quite sure why. He let himself forget for a moment. He let himself be fooled by the taste of her mouth and the feel of her lips. But behind all that was what he always felt. Nothing. She never gave him more than the physical and even now—even when everything was falling apart and their very relationship was riding in these tense moments—she wasn't letting him in._

_He pushed her away._

"_I can't do this anymore, Kate. I can't be with someone who doesn't love me."_

"_But I could! I _could_ love you, Josh. I'm trying, just give me more time!"_

_He shook his head sadly and made his way to the door. "I know you want to love me. I believe that. But if you don't feel it yet, you never will."_

_She stared emptily after him as he started for the door._

"_Josh, please don't do this. Don't leave me."_

_The desperation on her face broke his heart. The look in his eyes broke hers._

"_I can't keep playing second fiddle to the Great and Powerful Castle. I don't want to be the guy you settle for because you were too afraid to try for the one you really want. I deserve more."_

_He opened the door and started to walk through it. She crossed one arm protectively over her chest and raised her other hand to cover her mouth, trying to stifle the sob that was fighting to break free._

_He turned suddenly back to her and reached hesitantly into his pocket, pulling out something too small to see from where she stood. He set it down on the small table by her door and she heard metal clink against the wood._

"_I bought this for you a month ago. I was waiting for the right time. I was waiting to see you look at me with love in your eyes, so I would know you'd say yes. I guess we both know that never happened. I don't want it. I bought it for you, so just keep it." _

_And with that, he left._

…

Kate watched the ring spin quickly on the bar, its silvery band blurring into a sphere. The diamond at the top swooped down and hit a knick in the uneven wooden surface of the bar, sending the ring skittering to the floor. She stared at it but made no move to pick it up. She didn't want it anyway.

She knew she couldn't blame Josh, though. She wouldn't have said yes. It was apparently abundantly clear that she didn't love him. Not the way he deserved to be loved. Her heart belonged to Richard freaking Castle. She knew it and he knew it. There was no point in fighting it anymore. Who the hell would she be fighting, anyway? Josh was gone. She, herself, didn't give a damn anymore. And Castle…well Castle wouldn't be coming around anytime soon.

Her eyes were still fixed on that insufferable piece of jewelry. The ring that seemed to be some sort of cruel joke: a way for Josh to dangle 'what could have been' one more time before slamming the door on their relationship. An unwelcome tear slipped down her cheek and she let it fall, not daring to blink. She didn't want to move her eyes from that ring.

That's when she saw a hand grab the ring from the floor and pick it up. She was mad at the owner of the hand for removing it from her gaze of death. She was sure she could have set it aflame and melted it into oblivion if only given a few more seconds of staring. Raising her eyes to what she was assuming would be some annoying good Samaritan, picking up a poor drunk girl's dropped ring, her mouth nearly dropped when she saw who held it. There was a pull somewhere in her gut. A yank like she had just dove out of a plane without a parachute and was falling to her death.

Richard freaking Castle.

"What're you doin' here?" She sent him a blank stare, devoid of any emotion. She forgot that her cheek had a recent tear streak right down its center. The saline drop that had forged the path was now dangling precariously from the side of her chin.

"Brian called me."

Kate shot the young bartender a violent scowl. He had the decency to look afraid and busied himself with wiping some glasses.

"He shouldn't have. I don't need you to be here with me, Castle."

"I will always be there for you, Kate."

She let out an unladylike snort. "Always. Yeah. If by that you mean until your fancy passes and you decide your little romp with the NYPD doesn't _quite_ hold your attention like it used to."

Her words were as bitter as the scotch and flowed out of her just as smoothly as the next swallow of the amber liquid went down. She made a face at the burn in the back of her throat.

Castle reached his hand towards her face and swiped at that hanging tear with his thumb. She closed her eyes at his touch and almost laughed at the futility of his action. The touch of his finger on her face only brought two fresh tears flowing down her cheeks.

She turned her face away from him as he went to wipe the new arrivals from her cheekbones, hoping to catch them before they fell too far.

"I don't need your pity, Castle. Just go home. You made it perfectly clear earlier that you were done with…me."

…

_After her emotional breakup with Josh that morning, Kate had debated whether or not to come into work that day. She hardy ever took days off and was pretty proud of that fact, but she just didn't know if she had it in her today. She didn't know if she could face Ryan and Esposito knowing that she'd be unable to be their fearless leader. She didn't know if she could face Montgomery and not be his brilliant protégé with all the answers. She didn't know if she could face Lanie and still be able to hide all of her inner turmoil. _

_Most of all, she didn't know if she could face Castle. She didn't know if she would be able to hide the end of her relationship with 'Dr. Motorcycle Boy'. She didn't know if she could hide that _he_ was the reason that Josh had left her. She didn't know if she could hide that deep inside her, she thought maybe Josh had been right. _

_She didn't think she could hide her love. _

_That all consuming love that had always been in the very center of her. The love that ate away at her relationships with other men because none of them could make her feel the way he did. The love that she had denied for so long. The love for a man who wasn't hers._

_In the end, she had constructed some makeshift walls and thrown her romantic baggage behind them with a quick prayer that the barricade would at least last the day. She went through her morning routine and left for work, intent on passing through the day just as if it were any other. _

_Her only reminder of the morning was the ring that sat heavier than its actual weight in her pocket. She had grabbed it on her way out, a masochistic act that she would surely regret later._

_She went through most of the morning as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened and thought she was doing a damn good job of it. Esposito and Ryan kept shooting her concerned looks, but nothing that had her too worried._

_Sometime around eleven, she sat in the break room and spun the silver band on its side with a flick of her finger. She watched it twirl and catch the light before it finally petered out and wobbled to a halt. It sat on the faux-wood and she observed it coolly with distaste. It was a one-carat solitaire. Very pretty. Very big. Very shiny. Not at all…her._

_The door to the break room opened and she quickly grabbed at the ring to surreptitiously slip it into her pocket._

"_Hey, Beckett." Esposito greeted._

"_Hey."_

"_Whatcha playin' with over there?"_

"_Nothing."_

"_Didn't look like nothing. Looked like a—"_

"—_Esposito. It was nothing. Let it go, please."_

_He looked at her, a bit taken aback, but let it drop. "Fine. I came in here to tell you that…uh…the wife is here for questioning. And Castle's looking for you."_

"_Put the wife in Int 2. Tell Castle to wait it the observation room."_

_Esposito shrugged casually and left to do her bidding. Kate spent a few more moments in the room, trying to gather her wits so that she could be effective in the interview. She stood and walked into the interrogation looking very much the part of a steely female detective._

_On the other side of the two-way mirror, the three men of her team lay waiting for the show to begin. _

_Ryan spoke quietly to his partner. "Hey. Did you figure out what's been buggin' Beckett?"_

_Esposito looked at Ryan and then his eyes shifted over to Castle. He didn't know if he should tell them what he'd seen, but he figured he'd need some back up on this one. They should know, so they could decide together how to deal._

"_I think Josh proposed. She had a ring."_

_There was a loud sound behind them as Castle dropped the mug of coffee he had held. It splashed to the ground with a loud clatter and shards of ceramic bit at the legs of the men._

_Kate's eyes flicked to the mirror as if she had heard the loud break through the glass, but other than that, she made no move._

"_Hey, watch it, Castle! These are new pants."_

"_Sorry. I'm sorry." But Castle hadn't even bent over to start cleaning the mess. He was just staring at Kate in the other room, his heart in his eyes. _

_Ryan and Esposito made eye contact and seemed to realize that perhaps this wasn't something that Castle would want them to see._

"_Hey man," Ryan clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Why don't you run out and get some towels or something. Take your time."_

_Castle exited the room mindlessly and never came back. He instead sat slumped in his chair by her desk, fighting back the onslaught of emotions that were wreaking havoc in his mind. After what was probably far too little time thrown into far too important a decision, he finally settled on what he rationalized as a noble sacrifice. _

_He would leave the precinct. Give her and Josh the chance to be completely happy in their marital bliss without him hanging over their relationship. He knew how hard it could be to have a committed relationship when you were involved so deeply with the partner at your work. It was half of what broke him and Gina up. She had been jealous of his relationship with "that detective of his"._

_He laughed mirthlessly. If only Gina could see them now. She was as far from "his" as possible. She was Josh's._

_And if he were completely honest with himself (which he wasn't) he would have to say that was the real reason he was going to leave the 12__th__. He couldn't bear to have to be around her all day every day and not even have the hope of ever having something more with her. He could barely stand the fact that she had been seeing Josh. Marriage would be a whole different ballgame. A ballgame he would refuse to play._

…

They had both been lost in painful memories from the day and only when one of the two other remaining patrons exploded in a hacking coughing fit, were they shaken out of it.

"It wasn't like that," Castle spoke.

She brought the glass of scotch to her lips and spoke over its rim, her eyes meeting his in a challenge.

"Like hell. I believe your exact words were 'I just want to thank you for everything. I've learned so much from you, but I think it's time for me to move on from you and Nikki Heat.'"

He hung his head. The words sounded cruel when thrown back at him like that. He had thought they had sounded like mature travelers of the high road when he had so carefully crafted them earlier.

"That's not how I meant it."

"Oh yeah?" She twisted on her stool and leaned her back into the bar. "And how exactly would you have worded it otherwise? What could be a better way to end a three-year partnership? Three years of friendship? Why'd you do it, Castle?"

He gave her a penetrating look of disbelief. "You _know_ why I did it!" he yelled and slammed his palm onto the bar, smacking the ring down onto its surface. "That! That right there is why I did it!"

"Excuse me?"

"I can't sit around and watch you be with another man, Kate."

She gaped at him. Her slightly alcohol-addled brain was spinning to keep up._ How did he know about the proposal? Not that there had even _been_ a proposal. _That one-carat stone had managed to kill both her birds. Josh had left because she hadn't wanted the rock and Castle had left because he thought she did.

He continued on, almost manic. "I can't watch you sail off into the sunset with somebody else, Kate. I won't do it. I want you to be happy, I really do. But I don't want to have to watch it if it's with somebody else."

Her brain was catching up, but slowly.

"Somebody else?" she managed to get out.

"Yes. Somebody besides me."

Now she felt almost sober. It was like a bucket of ice water had been thrown over her entire being, knocking her out of this humming world of self-pity, and reviving her nerves back from their desperate quest for numbness.

"You?"

"My _god_, Kate. Yes! Me! Don't act like you didn't know! You had to know! You have to know how I feel about you! I know you do."

Her mouth opened and closed a few times, and he seemed to interpret that as an inability to let him down in a socially appropriate way.

Standing from his stool he pulled out his phone. "I'm going to call you a cab. I hope you and Josh are happy, I really do. But I can't be around you anymore. I can't be with you and not be _with _you."

He raised the phone to his ear and she could hear the tinny voice of the cab company though the receiver. Reaching up her hand on instinct, she pulled the phone away from his head and hung up on the call.

"I'm not. I'm not with him anymore. We broke up. Well…he broke up with me and left me this," she held up the ring between two fingers, "little parting gift."

Castle was speechless and couldn't think of a single thing in response to this information overload. All he could focus on was the feel of her hand on his own as it rested over the phone.

"_He_ broke up with _you_?" he paused as if dividing that statement by zero and coming up with something undefinable. "Why?"

She smiled her first real smile all day.

"Because he saw what I refused to acknowledge."

Castle was mesmerized by the slowly spreading smile on her face. It was lighting her features and like always, he was captivated.

"What?"

"That I'm in love with you."

Castle's eyes grew wide and he looked at her like he was half out of his mind with delight and half afraid she'd take it back.

"And…are you?"

She smiled at him again, almost sure of his response.

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours first."

He grinned and cleared his throat dramatically. "I, Richard Castle, love you, Katherine Beckett, with all of my heart."

She leaned in as close as she could get to him, her breath warm on his lips as she returned the favor.

"Rick?"

"Yeah?" he breathed, his eyes half-mast and staring at her lips.

"I'm in love with you."

He didn't even have time to smile before she pulled him to her and pressed her mouth against his. Her lips were soft and she tasted like expensive scotch and heaven.

As they walked out of the bar next to each other, Castle leaned in to her ear and spoke softly in an amused tone.

"Remind me to give Bill an extra big tip tomorrow night. Brian said you almost bit his head off for playing a song. Scared the shit outta the poor guy."

Kate ducked her head in embarrassment.

"The song was breaking my heart. There's only so much a girl can take in one day."

"I'll make sure he only ever plays cheery songs from now on."

She laughed. "Thanks."

"Anything for you. Your heart's not breaking anymore, right?"

She squeezed his hand and kissed his cheek as they walked into the New York night.

"No, Castle. My heart is finally exactly where it's supposed to be."

_A/N: Ta-DAH! I'd like to know what people think. I mean...I THINK I'd like to know what people think. This might end up being one of those "careful what you wish for" situations. Let me have it, anyway. I can take it._


End file.
